from now on my penis is your penis
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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