I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
