am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish my penis had a tongue
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
