I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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