I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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