how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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