Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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