FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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