I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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