i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
