Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
