I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
