I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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