the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
