It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
