no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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