i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
