someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize