The maid of honor just puked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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