The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
