I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
