My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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