I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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