Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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