If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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