Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
