i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
