She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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