Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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