she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize