I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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