On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
