her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
