I think I won the penis lottery.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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