My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
