Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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