it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
