i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
