i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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