hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
