you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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