My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
