Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
