My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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