So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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