i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
