??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
