i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
