got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
