with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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