apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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