my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
