i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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