I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
