OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
