So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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