It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
