Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We're too hungover to prance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
