he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
