I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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