i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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