I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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