Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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